Am I as a parent totally responsible for the immature outcome of my child?

              January 27, 2009

A mother, my good friend, once shared with me how she struggled with the outcome of her son, Pete.  She thought she had been a good mom and she certainly loved her son; she had spent a lot of time with him and yet he constantly underachieved. He even lost friends, academic goals, and sports opportunities because of this character flaw.  So this mom wondered if she had failed him as a parent or if the responsibility lay on her son, Pete’s shoulders alone.

As we continued to chat over coffee, I discovered that she and her husband had constantly covered for Pete during his growing up years. When Pete brought home bad report cards his parents felt guilty.  They didn’t want to be too harsh with their son so they let his excuses be a way out for them to deal with Pete’s underachieving.  If Pete said the bad grades were a result of the teacher being unfair they immediately went to straighten out the teacher. His parents had neglected to let him bear the consequences of his actions and decisions so Pete never learned to act responsibly.

Responsibility lies with both the parent and the child but in different ways at different stages of our children’s lives.  When our children are young we have full responsibility.  Our children then begin to assert themselves, learn tasks, and begin to take ownership of their lives.  About at the time our children become teenagers we can begin to be an influential part in their lives instead of a controlling one. Then when our children reach their late teens, they should be able to take over complete responsibility for their behavior, finances, morality, and relationships.

Even in their late teens, as parents we still provide safety and love, and structure experiences to help our children mature.  Our children’s role is to respond to these situations, take risks, maybe fail, and learn from their experiences.  We need to show parental authority and our children have to be careful not to take responsibility for our feelings. Ultimately, in the end, our children will be evaluated on how he responded to what life brought him. However, as parents, we want to help our children respond in such a way that they grow, change and forgive. 

 
In Proverbs 3 Solomon gives us good advice on guiding our young children.  The formula is found in a nutshell in verses 4, 5, and 6, “If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.” [The Living Bible]
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I want to walk with you spiritually this year, inviting you to read the Bible through from cover to cover; from Genesis 1 all the way to Revelation 22:21.  If that sounds too difficult for you and your kids, you can join in again after you have taken a break or join us for the days you’re up to it.  We will start on Sunday, January 18th and finish Saturday, January 16, 2010.  I promise that you will understand the Bible in a much deeper way if you read it through from cover to cover in a year’s time.

Accept my challenge to read the Bible through in one year chronologically, including the Old and the New Testament.

Day 10: Today read:
Genesis 23:1-24:51
Matthew 8:1-17
Psalm 9:13-20
Proverbs 3:1-6

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